I’m definitely not the biggest loser

I registered this domain more than 10 years ago, when I applied to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser. I got an audition and I made it through to the 2nd round of auditions. I really thought my weight loss dreams were going to come true. After all losing weight is the thing I had dreamed about my whole life, even as a little girl. My Mum would tell me she would give me a certain amount of dollars per kilo lost and I could go on a shopping spree of a lifetime. I daydreamed about this ALL the time. I daydreamed about how people would look at me, and what they would say and how everyone would now admire me and going into tall the stores I couldn’t shop in because the clothes didn’t fit and buying whatever I wanted!

Here I am in 2018. Nearly 45 years old. Fatter than ever. No you didn’t see me on the Biggest Loser. You may have seen me at the gym. Or in the latest “diet” group on Facebook…5:2 Diet, Keto, macro counting, HCG protocol…I lose small amounts of weight on all of those and proclaimed “This is it! This isn’t even hard! I finally found the answer!”. Only to fall off the bandwagon and regain all the weight, plus some in half the time. I’ve found out there’s a term for this…it’s called Weight Cycling.

I’ve started this blog back up again as way to document, share and debrief my discoveries on a new path. HAES…Health at Every Size…Non-Dieting, Intuitive Eating…Body Positivity. These are the ideas I am currently exploring. They are causing me fear (Since I stopped “dieting” I’ve put on weight), but mostly hope that perhaps somehow..I might finally give up this war and hatred against my body. That I may learn to accept my body, and learn to eat for pleasure without shame or judgement.

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