Not The Biggest Loser

I just want to be…

I don’t know what to do next…I’m contemplating giving up sugar. It is so addictive to me and I’m sure I feel more pain when I consume too much.

I also did 5 minutes on the recumbent bike tonight. Big deal right? I just feel like if I can commit to small regular steps in the right direction I might just get there. So I’d like to try to commit to 5 minutes on the bike every day and take it from there.  I really need to move and ideally I’d like to walk but it is so damn hot right now and my feet really hurt when I walk…so this is my starting point.

I’m struggling with my perfectionism right now. Really struggling. I start off thinking ok so I’ll just do 5 minutes a day on the bike and then I think of ALL the other things I’d like to fit into my day…various stretches from, paying bills that arrived that day, folding washing I did that day, eating well, playing with my daughter etc etc and I start to get very overwhelmed and think “why bother?” but I’m trying to push my way through this thinking. I had a massive almost meltdown the other day when I had friends coming around I hadn’t seen in 2 years and they hadn’t been to our house yet. Now I have  2 kids, one of them a toddler who likes to pick up toys and then throw them on the floor and get another one. It’s extremely hard, nay, impossible to keep a tidy home. But I usually make a huge effort if I have people coming over to have the house pretty much perfect…well as close to perfect as I can get it. All clutter gone, kitchen and floors clean etc etc. But this day I just had no chance. Firstly I had attempted to cook a cake to serve them which was an epic fail…it crumbled and fell apart as I tried to get it out of the cake tin. Secondly I had to cook a big batch meal for a cooking group I’m part of. Thirdly I had a toddler and baby to look after and fourthly my feet, legs and back were aching like hell. So I had to leave clutter and the worst part was that everyone wanted a tour of the house so although the main living rooms were almost acceptable to me (would’ve liked them a bit tidier), the bedrooms etc were a MESS and I swear I nearly had a breakdown about having to show them the house like that. I really had to talk myself out of being really panicked about it. So yeah…perfectionism sucks :(

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