Not The Biggest Loser

I just want to be…

I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since I last posted…wow…time flies. So much news to share.

My daughter is now 2.5 years old. I went through another round of IVF (egg collection and embryo implantation) and fell pregnant. My son D, was born on 5th September 2011 at 5.30 in the morning in the water at home.

I have had my band loosened and tightened many times over the past 2 years but I am currently back at my pre-surgery weight. In fact as of today I am 2kg heavier than my pre-surgery weight. I am struggling. I am sad. I am disappointed…in the band…but mostly myself.

I have friends that have had the gastric sleeve and are doing amazingly well and I have almost let myself consider the possibility but I just don’t think it’s an option for me. Finally nearly 5 years after being banded I have come to the conclusion that I regret getting the band. It cost me a lot of money and I know have this device inside of me which I feel is not really helping me.

I’m wondering if there is anyone out there that has been in my situation and has been able to turn it around and succeed with the band? I am going to go and get adjusted again but I’m just not convinced it is going to work.

Right now I feel restriction in the first few mouthfuls of food but once they go down I am eating fairly normal serves of food. Do I need to be at the point where I am living off liquids to lose weight? I just don’t know.

I have been doing weight watchers and detoxing but I’m just so tired of ‘dieting’ and so far I have been unable to make permanent changes in my lifestyle to do this. I really need help and I just don’t know where to turn or what to do.

I’m so lost. I saw a great tip tonight about writing about my emotions instead of eating through them…so here I am. Updating a blog is really hard as a Mum of 2. I have very little time to myself. Right now I have a pile of unopened and unpaid bills dating from weeks ago, I have an unclean kitchen and unfolded laundry…but I am choosing to come here and write while my children sleep but it’s not always easy to make the decision given how behind I am on everything. I’m going to try.

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