Not The Biggest Loser

I just want to be…

So I’m feeling a little better today.  Only a little. Woke up feeling pretty crappy and in a very cranky mood. Not helped by stepping on the scales and finding I’d put on another 1kg since yesterday. It really makes no sense to me. I know I’m not eating well but I’m not eating like I used to pre-band – no where near it and yet I never put weight on at this rate.  And I know I’m pregnant…but only 10.5 weeks! I have heard of women putting on weight this early and noticing changes in their stomach, but this just doesn’t seem normal.

I actually managed to go for a 20 minute walk when I got home this afternoon which I am very proud of myself for. I wasn’t feeling great, and I’m really tired, but I decided to try anyway. Unfortunately it only highlighted the weight I’ve put on in my stomach. Everything felt the same but my stomach felt so heavy and I could feel the extra weight moving around as I walked. It is bizarre. I’m not sure anyone can understand what it feels like right now.

I’ve really been concentrating on increasing my vegetable intake and have been making sure I eat vegetables every night and try to add some at lunch. Yesterday was a chicken, salad and cheese toasted sandwich with lots of salad.  Today I had a fresh apple and carrot juice. Not great as I’m supposed to be avoiding fruit (sugar) but then I’m supposed to be avoiding bread too and that’s just not happening. That juice is the only drink I’ve really felt like and enjoyed for quite awhile now and I figure the carrots would’ve done me good! I even had vegetables as a snack this afternoon – my favourite way – all mashed but still nutritious. I love a good bowl of mashed veg!

The nausea has been bearable today. I haven’t felt great all day, but I’ve not experienced a big surge of nausea yet today which I usually get at least 2 or 3 times a day. I don’t expect the morning sickness is disappearing just yet, I fully expect it to resurge with a vengeance tomorrow, but I know it will go soon. Still very, very tired though.

I’ve been reading Jon Gabriel’s “The Gabriel method” and have been trying to listen to his cd at night while I fall asleep. It really is a great book and I’m trying to work on some of the things he recommends (like the visualisation etc) as I really do think there’s more to my problem than a pure calorie in/calorie out problem. I highly recommend anyone who has struggled with their weight for a long time to read his book.

3 Responsed To This Post

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Nola said, January 8th, 2009 at 6:26 am

I don’t know Rachael……sometimes I think you listen to too many people and naturapaths and doctors and herbalists etc etc. Then you get so hung up on trying to do the right thing by all of them and totally freak yourself out and think you have failed!! You know what I think you should do?? Fark the lot of them…..for now!!!! For God sakes girl….give yourself a break. You are pregnant and you should be enjoying the ride, not heaping more and more pressure on yourself to “do the right thing”. How about you go with how YOU feel for now and not what you think you SHOULD feel according to everybody else’s standards?
You know what is good and what is “bad” to put in your mouth. You say you have been eating more vegetables….well, your body must want them for it not to be making you sick and rejecting them. If you want a bowl of mashed vegies four times a day….then bloody well have them!! If you feel like a glass of fruit juice…bloody well drink it!!!!
Start listening to what your body wants and not what you THINK it wants or what you have been told it wants.
You said yourself you are not eating as much as before the band. You are doing OK Rach, you are doing really well. Stop over anaylising everything!!!!!
And stop hopping on the scales everyday. Of course it will fluctuate….fluid and that sort of thing while pregnant will do that!! Make a promise to get on them once a week maximum!
For now, concentrate on feeling well…..not what you eat? Force yourself to walk for 10 minutes everyday…..that’s all. Choose small “do-able” goals and I think you will find the weight thing will level itself out and follow along… might be suprised!!!

Anyhow, I am glad you are blogging more regularly….I like to keep my eye on you!!! :)

linda said, January 8th, 2009 at 7:06 pm

Rach! go easy on yourself mate. I reckon if you focus on nutrition (for you and bubs), and you’ll be OK, OK?
I’m thinking of you :-) (Emma came in today to see me from Switzerland, with her lovely baby boy and I was wondering how you were going).
Linda xo

cat =^..^= said, January 27th, 2009 at 8:22 pm

rach, i’ve been reading the gabriel book and listening to the cd. remember he says not to force yourself to be good. so far i have done up a collage of bodies i like, i listen to the cd most nights and have added fish oil tablets to my day. i don’t think i’ve lost weight, but i wake up at 6am every morning energised and in a better mood than i can ever remember myself being in. i still have cake/bun at work if i feel like it, but at times to my complete surprise i have genuinely not wanted it. the trusting and believing has left me feeling great. so don’t beat yourself up. listen to the tape, even if you don’t do what he says, just let it sink in, add the good things he suggests and let the rest work itself out. PS: get enough folate!!!!

loving you
cat =^..^=

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