I don’t have to sit in silence and suffer when I go to a restaurant and squash myself into a chair and feel uncomfortable for the whole meal, willing the food to be served quicker, willing the bill to be brought quicker.
My husband and I went to a beautiful fine dining restaurant on the river in Brisbane on Friday night. The views were beautiful, the food was superb, but I spent the whole night wriggling around, trying to get comfortable in a seat that was just too small for me. To top it off I was feeling every one of the 10kg I have put on since I got back from the USA 4 months ago. 10 kilos in 4 months! I don’t know why I am suprised. I have been deliberately not weighing myself over the past month or two, but had to face the truth when I got weighed at Dr Layani’s office yesterday by his nurse Jan.
Anyway back to the chair…to make matters worse this extra 10kgs meant my clothes were now a lot tighter than they used to be, so not only was I squashed into an uncomfortable chair, but my clothes were also making me feel restricted, like a german sausage with too much pork mince packed into it’s skin, spilling up out of the top. I felt like I must look ridiculous and in the dark, looking out to the river, I kept catching glimpses of my reflection in the dark glass and it just made me feel even fatter and more uncomfortable. I felt sure everyone must be staring at me spilling out of the chair and looking at me in disgust. How frustrating that I spent a night that was supposed to be a celebration of our 3 year wedding anniversary was spent with me feeling uncomfortable, with a back and neck ache from sitting awkwardly and just feeling outright horrible. Blah.
You know normally I’d be all indignant and angry at the restaurant for providing small seats that didn’t cater for larger people, but who am I kidding? I didn’t see anyone else there uncomfortable in the seats. I made the decision that as lovely as the restaurant was, that I’d never go back there as a fat person. That I would go back there as a thin (or thinner) person and no doubt only order 1 main meal and hopefully only be able to eat half of it. And what a pleasure that would be. I like thinking about that situation.
I just can’t wait to no longer be a slave to food. I can’t wait to feel normal. To eat to nourish my body, not out of emotional need or pure greediness.